I used to think that I had my entire life mapped out. I’ve always had this image in my head of what “adulting” looked like; I always had this ‘plan’ of what my life was going to look like once I became a “real adult“. I tend to put immense pressure on myself to be this perfect adult woman who had something to prove to everyone. I thought I knew everything there was to know about myself. LOL. That was true until life hit me with a,
“haha YOU THOUGHT” wake up call. I had this mindset that by a certain age I would have fallen in love and gotten married with this booming business and I’d be all over Forbes magazine or something. (Don’t get me wrong, this is all still very achievable) I, however, did myself no favors by placating this time limit and ceiling over my life albeit.
This past week gave me a much needed lesson on expectations. Being somewhat of a Type A personality, I like to have all my ducks in a row. I feel most complete when things are in order. I just feel like everything makes more sense that way. But life, doesn’t revolve around “our plans”. It’s unpredictable because the scenarios and outcomes are endless. Now, this is not to say that planning is futile or a waste of time and we should be so lax i n our lives because “it’s whatever”. Rather so, we should be malleable with our future. Sometimes we get so caught up in the planning process that it keeps us “stuck”. Instead of going out and doing what it is that we want to do we freeze frame ourselves in the idea part of our visions. When you are so rigid with your plan/s you limit yourself. It’s the difference between good vs great.
As crazy this may sound, I thought that by 21 I would be engaged and by 25 I would be married with two children under my belt and a shitload of accolades to my name. Well, 21 came and I had just gotten out of a relationship and though 25 is near, I don’t see “married with two children” as a super high priority right now. I’ll admit it that I’m still in my selfish stage lol.
In retrospect, I wish that I would have learned to be more patient with myself as I blossomed into the next stage of my life. (Ok, so I kinda tripped into adulthood but the message is still the same lol). I was in need of some TLC with myself. I wish that back then as a teenager I was strong enough to encourage myself and not be so harsh on myself while I was discovering this foreign world of womanhood.
And here I am today and I still don’t have it all figured out. I’m still learning Elinah. I’m finding my voice. I am no longer a caged bird. If there is one thing that I do know, it’s that fear no longer consumes my being. I’ve become more ballsy. I ask hard questions because I am not the same naive girl who believes whatever I’m told. I love myself enough to leave if a situation or person is no longer beneficial to my well-being.I can be a good person with a kind heart and still stand my ground; say no even. My energy is sacred and valued to me. I am so in love with myself…every single part.
Do I have all the answers? No. But that’s the beautiful thing about life: I don’t need to know everything upfront. Part of the process is being active in the moment; relishing in it, taking each moment for what it is and nothing more. Life is all about learning, growing, and trying new things through trial and error.
Woman, thou art free. So become.