There’s nothing more melodically pleasing to the ears than to hear the beautiful “glub” of a heartbeat. There’s nothing more amazing than to see the wondrous creation and formation of life. The only thing greater than that, is to be the one chosen to witness such a creation inside of you. I believe that love is the creator of all. Love. True, pure, selfless, unadulterated love can grow people and ease tension. Love creates life. What’s more beautiful than seeing the formation of love inside of you? Knowing that every second of everyday that you are the one chosen by God to carry such a gift? The visions of the future are endless as you daydream about ten cute little fingers and toes, squishy soft skin, and the occasional “coo’s”, cries, and giggles…all from just one sound of a heartbeat.
There’s an iridescent glow to your skin now. You literally look like an angel on earth as you waddle from left to right, gliding the Earth so effortlessly. Everything about you is magical, invigorating, and new. Your whole perspective of the world changes as you feel this increasing need to be protective over this great love you bare. Life just radiates from you because there is life in you. There is now three souls in you…all with the focal point of love.
Then, the heartbeat vanishes. Three souls become none as you feel hopeless and succumb to a gregariously apathetic life. Obscure gloominess because the very thing that you cherished so deeply is now gone. One day there’s a heartbeat, the next there’s none. The only thing left is a distant memory. One that you wish you could forever lock away and never ever remember ever again, but you are constantly reminded of the life you once had as you see the iridescent glow of precious Angels. Their bellies so robust. You gaze in admiration of them as they place their hand so delicately on their stomach; while you silently seethe inside when you bear witness to a young mother playing and coddling with her newborn because deep down you wish that was you. You wish that life would have dealt you a different set of cards and then the resentment is implanted in the place where love once resided. People don’t understand why you tear up, they don’t understand why you’re cold and distant now but they don’t know! They don’t know they hurt that is festering through your veins! They didn’t hear the music that you heard eight weeks ago! They don’t know the tears you cried, the nights you laid restlessly in bed because your ears were ringing…the images in your mind of the almost moments that you might never possess again. Unwo. Unyoma. My child.
That beautiful heartbeat. Gone.