LEGACEI LAWS // SELFISHNESS

I haven’t been blogging as much as I want to because…life. I have  so many things that I want to say, I have the urge to write but conceptualizing everything into a post that makes sense and gets to the point has been proving to be slightly challenging for me these days. Today, I just have a mini post to share with y’all.

Last week was a pretty annoying week for me. It can be so easy to get caught up in the negative when things haven’t really been going your way. This past week I’ve been hearing “no” a lot. The selfish side of me has been raging to get out and be petty, non-understanding, and even the want to guilt trip people in order to manipulate them to get my way. But I have been more self-conscious and self-aware. I’ve been paying closer attention to what I allow myself to think and what I feed my brain.

There’s this guy I have been wanting to spend some quality time with. Phone conversations and facetime calls are cool, however, I prefer one on one interactions. I’ll be honest, I really like this guy. I want to be with him. I want us to build a relationship. But…life. So not seeing him as much as I wanted to the previous week made me feel kind of salty about not being around him, however, feelings aren’t facts. The facts are: I’m not the only person in his whole world, he has grown man business to handle, and if he could come see me, he would.

I think because I do want to be with him in some ways I kind of neglect myself in the process. I have too much down time and it’s letting my mind wander. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see beyond myself and my perspective. But here are three tips that I came up with that can help you remain self-aware and control your selfishness.

Tip #1 – ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EMOTION. CONFRONT IT. ACCEPT IT. DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF. Part of being self-aware is acknowledgement and being in the moment. Try to break things down like this: “I’m feeling _____. I feel like this because ________.” EX.: I feel annoyed. I feel annoyed because I wanted to see this guy I like. I like him a whole lot and even tho we talk on the phone and converse, I value our time together because I love our intimacy. 

Tip #2 – OBSERVE THE FACTS. What are the facts? Is this person someone who is usually reliable? Do they have bills to pay? People who depend on them? Goals? Career? A LIFE? Is this person responsible? When they have the means to do things for you, do they usually come through? A great indicator of who/how people react is the history of their past. What do they usually do? Retrospectively speaking, look at this person’s character in comparison to your feelings. Facts are not excuses. Remember that.  In my case, I KNOW that this person usually comes through for me when he can. EVEN on days where he is busy. And he has very big goals and dreams that he wants to achieve. He can’t achieve and be the man that he wants to be (and the kind of man who I need) if he’s cuddled up under me all day.

Tip #3 – COMMUNICATE! Communication is a major key for any successful relationship/friendship to thrive. If you feel some type of way, tell people. Sometimes people genuinely don’t know what they did to hurt you so speak up.

**BONUS TIP** FLIP IT! Try and turn your negative into a positive. Using my situation, the negative for me was not seeing the guy I liked but the positive is that I have a post to write about and that I got to test myself and recognize the areas in which I can grow more in.

At the end of the day, we are in control of ourselves. We make our own choices. Being self-aware and being able to catch yourself and check your emotions isn’t always the most fun thing to do but it’s a vital part to growth!

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