So today I finally recieved my camera lens and I am beyond excited! It’s the little things like this that make me feel like my goals are slowly but surely coming into fruition. Along with the investment of my new camera lens, I have also put forth some effort for my logo ( Elinah in Depth ). I really want this year to be a year of prosperity and growth. This is the time of BEING.
I have wanted to be a youtube content creator for a while now; ever since I watched my first beauty tutorial eons ago lol. Oddly enough I have had several youtube channels before but I would always delete them due to fear or some other stupid reason. One of my major goals last year was to have a successful youtube channel. But what is a “successful” youtube channel? Is it fame? Free products? Brand deals? Millions of subscribers? Yeah, it can be all of that but for me it’s more of seeing a representation of dark skin Black women like me who want to inspire others to be themselves, just by me being myself. But how can I do that if I’m not even truly aware of who I am?
For a while I would catch myself constantly comparing myself to other people and trying to ‘keep up with the Jones’. I would have these ideas and fantasies of who I wanted to be and where I envisioned myself in life, and when I would see other people (primarily women) living and doing the things that I wanted, I would get a little bit jealous. And I wasn’t jealous in the sense of feeling like I was better than them and deserved the opportunities that they had, but more so jealous that I wanted those same opportunities or opportunities of like. That constant comparison would cause me to doubt my dreams and I started to wonder if my dreams were even “realistic” enough to begin with. I mean was it really possible for me to own my own business? To be a mogul? To be a ‘successful brand’?
I preach a lot about being self confident and staying in your own lane, yet I was straying from my own advice. Discouragement began to set in and though I didn’t give up on my visions, I did put them on the back burner. I was really beginning to resent my mundane lifestyle: wake up, go to work, eat, sleep, repeat. Nothing was igniting passion in my life. Not even my blog.
But the amazing thing about life is that so long as you’re breathing, you are too young to give up. I have a blessing called life. Not everyone has the same advantage of being able to say that they made it to January 2016, yet I can. And it would be utterly selfish and ridiculous of me to waste my time envying what opportunities others may have instead of focusing on creating my own.
One of the easiest and hardest things about accomplishing a goal is to actually start. The second thing is to be consistent. For the longest I was putting off buying this damn lens to my camera because I was petrified of investing the money into myself because plainly put I didn’t trust myself and what I have to offer to the world. It’s annoying to watch others makin’ moves when I have everything I need to make those same moves lol. I have Elinah. And the best part of having Elinah is that there is never going to be another Elinah exactly like me.
I’m owning myself and making no apologies for it. Let the boldness shine through!