I am sure many, if not all, people have heard that famous Biblical line of “the fall of man” referenced to the first book in the Bible, Genesis. Though there are many different ways in which one can dissect the story of the world’s first inhabitants, Adam and Eve, (as well as the different life applications that can be learned from the pair of them) I want to focus solely on Eve.
After much ado, I FINALLY listened to a sermon from one of my holy grail ministry apps — The Brook. The sermon was entitled, ” You Don’t Listen to Me “, which is part of Pastor Simeon Moultrie’s latest series The Mancave. Granted, this series is more directed towards the men, but I definitely am grasping concepts here and there that I can directly apply to myself. This particular sermon, however, especially resonated with me because Eve’s struggle is my struggle. I am Eve. Honestly, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the story of Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. It’s one of the (for lack of a better term) basic, rudimentary stories that most Christians are taught. As I have matured and taken my faith into my own hands, I have been able to dissect this fundamental Biblical story in quite a few ways. I know from experience that the most popular dissection of this account is the role of a man. Insert exasperated sigh. And cue the intense eye roll. THOUGH, there is truth to this analytical approach about the man leading and how the woman was manifested from the rib of the man, contrary to this belief, Adam and Eve is a multi-faceted story. Not only is there more to this account than a man be the leader, this story also deals with love, and most importantly control.
“Then he said to the woman, ‘…And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.’” [ Genesis 3:16; NLT ]
And thus begins the power struggle. Battle of the sexes if you will. It’s kind of funny because honestly, God never intended relationships to be like this. It’s the sin that gave birth to the discord between men and women. This constant need of control and one upping your partner. Here, is where it started. This. Is. Me. And when I heard this in the sermon I chuckled and nodded my head in total agreeance because it’s the truth! This is such a HUGE struggle for me because I always feel the need to be in control of things
a lot — okay MOST — of the time, the things that I am stressing myself over about trying to control is really NOT in my power. Especially when dealing with relationships. UGH. And the sad part is that I know I can’t make anyone change, but there’s that part of me that still tries. Crazy, I know. But I am constantly working at it.
Relationships were designed to be interdependent; full of mutual love and respect amongst two people. God intended for the man to lovingly care for and nurture his wife. Nurture her not only with his words but by his actions, not to seek to “rule her” aka become CONTROLLING. And the discord caused by sin now puts women in this place of constantly seeking the desire to wrestle control from the man. Relationships were not meant to be this battle of who wears the pants and dictatorship. That’s NOT love. Or even a real relationship. The word submit/submission has become a curse word in society. And at times, it really does make me cringe. Not because of the word itself but how people — mainly men — choose to abuse and misuse its definition. When you break down the word submission, it is essentially stating that you are submitting to a mission or you are submitting to the mission at hand. My issue is that a majority of guys want to be the ones in charge and have their women submit to them, but submit to what exactly? I have little to no qualms relinquishing control to a man who has a vision. I am talking about a man with a deep-rooted passion. Ideally, a man who not only has vision but submits himself fully to God and has purpose filled vision. That’s the type of man I can entrust my submission to. And while we’re on this subject of submission, why do guys seem to always equate submission to the likes of sex and cooking?
There is a huge difference between dictatorship and leading. And honestly, if you think that a woman “obeying you” is equivalent to her making you a sandwich and bussin’ it wide open whenever you feel like reaching your hand into the cookie jar….you my feeble-minded little boy, have a substantial amount of growing up to do.
Eve’s struggle is my struggle. But luckily where there is a will, there’s a way and the first step in learning how to get over the struggle to control is to admit it. Admit that there’s a bit of ego and fear in relinquishing power. Then, practice active listening. Not this pseudo listening where there’s all this attitude and eagerness to respond to certain parts of a conversation. Active listening means listening without filters and without trying to always look for aspects of the conversation to attack the speaker. (and yes, selective hearing is NOT active listening)