Usually I don’t freestyle my blogs like this as I am a pretty meticulous person and I pride myself on formatting my posts in a certain way. Today, however, as I’m blasting John Legend’s Ordinary People, I can’t help but feel inspired.
(and I’ve written in all 100 pages of my journal -_-)
Anyways, I planned on writing this post about being able to see my own worth and see my own potential. Then, I also had the idea of que-ing up another post about my new life as a single woman lol. I still may do separate posts on both of those topics but for now, I’m going to discuss them both.
Recently, I’ve been holding onto this conversation that I had a few weeks ago. Basically, the person I was conversing with had made it quite clear that they couldn’t be bothered with anymore because their path was different from mine and in this particular conversation, it was also brought to my attention that my potential was no longer visible to this person. I will admit, upon hearing this, my heart kind of sank. I kinda felt hurt. Of course I didn’t really say anything (which by the way; I’ve really got to start doing that because letting people get away with saying whatever they want/treating me however they feel necessary is really annoying) but I did write about it in my old journal. Granted, the person is entitled to their opinion and whatnot, but seriously? Some things are better kept to yourself….
I was a little down but then as I started to really think about it, a four letter word came to mind, followed by YOU and oddly enough, it kind of gave me this swift kick to the ass that I had been missing. And probably BEEN NEEDING.
I see my OWN POTENTIAL.
I don’t need someone to define me or dictate who I am or should be by their own standards or what they see is a ‘successful’ person. I know I’ve had to really work on overcoming my own personal issues and insecurities; one of them being this need for acceptance and reaffirmation. In a way, it’s a good thing that that conversation happened because it allowed me to re-evaluate the friendship, the relationship, and my own personal well-being from a different point of view that I had never considered. At this very point of my life, I am interested in bettering my health: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And anything that doesn’t add health to my well-being is clearly making me ill. It is depleting me and I just don’t want or need that.
In the past few posts that I’ve written, I had also been really up and down with my relationship status. I’m officially out of the denial stage lol. As long and annoying as that may have been for some people, I have dealt with it on my own time, in my own way. I feel really good. AMAZING actually. I’m ready to fully embrace this new chapter and live in it fully. Does this mean dating? Probably. But I don’t really have a specific time limit or season in mind. As I grow, so do my boundaries and expectations. So, that part of my life will be interesting to see.
Overall, these past few months have been a journey of its own for me.
Good, bad, and ugly.
But, that’s the beauty of life. It has its hills and its valleys: what we’ve mastered vs what we’re learning.
And right now I think I’m in transition.