I AM…

So after much delay and procrastination, I am FINALLY getting around to do doing the #30Layers30Days Self – Discovery Challenge [found here: All The Many Layers]. This challenge is a long time coming but better late than never lol. I will not be doing all thirty of the days but the ones that I have chosen to do are the ones that I feel most comfortable answering, beginning with Day One: I AM.
I don’t think that there is one word out there that completely describes me and all that I stand for. I encompass a variety of unorthodox beings all in one body and at times it can be quite annoying. I’ve been told many a time that I have “no chill”. I’m at one end of the spectrum or another and truth be told, my personality doesn’t really qualify for “chillin’“. It has its pros and cons but I have just accepted that as being apart of my Perfectionist Complex. I strive for perfection because I refuse to believe that my life is called to be a obscurely complacent. I don’t believe that is what God intends for his children; and I especially don’t believe that he would allow my mother to go through such a dramatic birthing process JUST to have my life turn out basic. Nope. The devil is a lie! I only see great things. The vision — no matter how cloudy it may get — only points to greatness.

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10639519_694172837336114_2820891492128174250_nI am moving away from fear. Fear is the single-handed reason why most visionaries/dreamers fail. Hell, it’s the reason why MOST people refuse to even try in the first place. I hate fear for everything it represents. I try to look at fear the way that God does and that is, it simply does not exist. Of course I realize and am aware that I’m not God and I never will be — nor am I trying to be — but if there is one thing that I have learned throughout the years, is that fear is the opposite of everything that God is, what God stands for, and what faith in God entails. Oddly enough, the closer I am to achieving my goals, the more apprehensive I get. In the back of my mind I’m always playing out scenarios that consist of a bunch of “what ifs”. “What if this doesn’t go right” or “what if I fail”, and honestly, all those “what ifs” are nothing but a distraction. It’s encouraging that fear in me that I don’t need. The mind can be so fickle at times; this is why it is so important to guard your heart and guard your thoughts because whatever you speak, you become.

I am moving against the norm of complacency. As I said previously in this post, I refuse to live a complacent life. I don’t believe in mediocrity, in fact, I rebuke mediocre people, things, and situations. What is the point of life if you’re just travelling around aimlessly? There are so many empty shells in this world. There are so many people walking around this world empty instead of living in the world with soul. QUESTION: What makes your soul jump? What is the one thing in life that makes life all worth it in the end for you? This is a question that I’ve been asked about from time to time and I could never fully answer it. Part of that is because I’m not really all that sure about the answer and the other is this fear I have of people judging or condemning me. All which are negative emotions that I’m done catering to and feeding. Creativity sparks my soul. Writing, reading, gathering information, beauty, etc. — anything that encourages and accepts me being creative and allows me to make my visions come to life is what truly makes me happy. I love being inspired and quite honestly, I am inspired all of the time. I’m inspired from the conversations that I have with many different people, the diversifying cultures in the world & their concepts of beauty, I’m inspired by pictures, music, clothing, fashion, make-up, art…all of it. It is all so fulfilling, especially when I am able to recreate these things that I’m inspired by with my own interpretation.

I am moving with confidence. Last year I read this book called, “The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success”. [find my few posts on them here: The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success]. The first chapter began by stating that in order for you to truly live a purposeful life, you must first let go of your ego and live according to the spirit. It’s such a simple concept yet so many people fail to utilize it (self included). In a world that dictates what is successful and what is not, and showcases this idealistic image of what success looks like, it can be discouraging to the person who may not want to go along with that particular societal view. I know that this is my struggle — being able to remain true to myself and my goals without constantly looking at different lanes. I am determined to become the most confident I have ever been.

I am moving towards deliberate living. This year I am deliberately living on purpose. I am working hard to fulfill all it is that my soul desires. I am moving towards courageousness and being an emblem of the type of woman who I am proud of. It’s a process that never ends but can be so much fun to embark on. Deliberate living means that I don’t take any opportunity for granted. I am conscious. I am awake. I am not aimlessly wandering and most importantly I am making awakened decisions. Choice making skills are so vital to life. Behaving wisely breeds more rewards than to “YOLO” your life away. I am no stranger to rule breaking, but there are times where doing things in order is more beneficial. If we are all truly honest with ourselves, how many times have we regretted or wished we had taken wise action or listened to the words of the wise? “To disobey the law is to sacrifice your freedom; it is a choice against God’s authority, God’s love.” Here, this quote signifies more than just your arbitrary “law and order” type of example, but it is extremely tried, true, and applicable to everyday life occurrences; such as lying, cheating, premarital sex, and the list goes on. When you do things right the first time and follow the rules joyfully, not only do you NOT care about what you “aren’t allowed to partake in”, you save yourself from a lot of worry, headache, heartbreak, and stress. This(unfortunately) I can attest to 100%. It’s okay to rebel, but rebelling within reason is the key.

All in all, I am greatness waiting to be revealed. I know this deeeeeep in my heart lol. And with this, Day One is complete.

***FEW NOTES***

I know that I haven’t been blogging as much and I keep making these promises to myself that I will and I AM trying. Trying is ok, but doing is better lol. I will post more frequently once I set up a schedule that works for me. I want to post at least once a week so I may have to begin que-ing posts as I think of them/compose them, but usually I tend to write when I am the most inspired  (in lay man’s terms: I write when I’m least laziest). I do have quite a few posts to get out so this month I will do my best to post 1-2x a week!

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